Japanese people share 11 amusing tales relating to pregnancy and childbirth

Ah, childbirth. That lovely moment when the child you’ve been waiting to meet for months finally comes into the world and brings with it all the joys that come with parenthood. If you’re a woman, that moment also equates to the feeling of your body being ripped into bits as you forcefully expel a new human being from your body. (Sorry if you’re drinking your morning tea as you read this!)

Like the rest of the female population around the world, Japanese women are no strangers to the pains of birthing a child. Below, we have gathered eleven of amusing anecdotes that have been shared over social media relating to their pregnancies, the hysterical states they were in during childbirth, and the time after their child’s birth. And don’t miss the one story at the end that will positively melt your heart.

妊娠日記です(´-`) エイリアンが生まれる時みたいにお腹がもりもり波打ちます。 http://t.co/0W0DiegzHU
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まる子 (@maruco03) April 14, 2015

“From my pregnancy journal (´-`) My stomach is heaving like that scene in Alien. [Note: The first panel is her at five months pregnant, giggling when the baby starts moving around. The second panel is her at the present, and she is considerably less thrilled.]“

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最近の一番の恥さらしは、出産の時に陣痛が痛すぎて頭がおかしくなって助産師さんに「そう、その呼吸上手ですよ！」と言われた瞬間に「もっと褒めてください！」っと言ってしまい分娩室にいる助産師さん4人くらいが口々に「すごい！」「初産とは思えない！」と褒めちぎり大喜利になってしまったこと。
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まさと@ぼっくろおせっせ (@tontonmasaton1) May 16, 2015

“I most recently embarrassed myself while giving birth, after I had become delirious from the labor pains. When a midwife told me, ‘That’s right, your breathing is great!’ I yelled, ‘Praise me more!!’, and the four or so midwives in the room unanimously shouted ‘Wow!’, ‘I can’t believe this is your first childbirth!'; they kept dropping compliments for the remainder of the birth.”

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唐突ですが、今日でちょうど妊娠3ヶ月です。朝ダンナに「家族が増えるかもしれません」と告げたら「どんな柄？後で写真送って」と言って出勤して行った。猫じゃねぇよ。
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moth (@SpiritLamp) November 28, 2011

“This is a bit random, but today marks my third month of being pregnant. In the morning I told my husband, ‘Our family is about to get bigger,’ and he replied, ‘What’s it gonna be? Send me a picture later,’ and left for work. Umm, we’re not talking about a cat here…”

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一人目のとき、助産院で出産したんですが、そこで自分の胎盤を食べたので漫画にしてみました。 http://t.co/UQkZ9rf2zW
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加藤マユミ (@katomayumi) June 13, 2015

“I had my firstborn at a maternity hospital. I ate my placenta there and decided to make it into a manga. [Note: She eats it with wasabi and soy sauce and says that it’s delicious, tasting something like liver. Her husband also agrees.]“

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出産祝いをするときは、二人目以降の場合上の子に何かプレゼントをあげることにしている。以前友人の娘に「お姉ちゃんになったお祝いだからね」とプレゼントをあげたらおいおい泣かれた。我慢してたんだもんね、これからもっと我慢しなくちゃいけないんだもんね。おばちゃんもお姉ちゃんだったんだze
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えぼりヨネ子 (@eboli_ef) April 09, 2012

“At parties to celebrate the birth of a new child, I always make a point of giving a present to the oldest child. Just recently I gave a present to my friend’s daughter, saying, ‘It’s to celebrate you becoming a big sister,’ and she started crying. She was being really patient, and she would have to be more patient from then on. I know since I was also a big sister myself.”

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ウチの姉、出産中に余りの痛さに耐えかねて「いたぁ――いぃい！なんで、こんなところから出て来んのよ―！！」と叫んだら看護婦さんに「入れたとこから出て来るに決まってるでしょ！！」なる名回答を頂いたそうです。
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るみねーと@ワサラー団 (@Rummynate) August 30, 2012

“When my older sister was giving birth, she couldn’t take the pain and started screaming, ‘Owwwww! Why does it have to come out from there!?’ and the nurse told her, ‘Well of course it’s gonna come out the same place you put it in!!'”

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出産中の出来事といえば、助産婦さんが「ほら、お母さん赤ちゃんの頭が見えてきましたよー。髪の毛がいっぱいですから大丈夫ですよー」と励ましていたのが気にかかった。
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Hirohito Kato ⌘ (@hkato193) August 31, 2011

“Speaking of things that happen while giving birth, I can never forget when the midwife said, ‘Look Mom, you can see the head now. Don’t worry because there’s a ton of hair.'”

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今日引いたおみくじの出産がヤバイ件について。 http://t.co/pVb5hj3eD0
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ふぇにーちぇ (@Fenini5x2) October 19, 2013

“The fortune that I pulled today says that giving birth is going to be terrible.

Fortune [giving birth section]: It’s going to come out little by little by little…”

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「陣痛中は大人しかったのに、出産直後に助産師さんに『お母さん！ほら、赤ちゃんですよ！はじめまして～よろしくねって！！』と赤を見せられ、『はぁ、はじめまして。わからないことがあれば聞いてください』と事務的に言ってしまった。クールな担当医がﾌﾞﾌｫ!!と噴き出したの見て我にかえった」
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なおと (@naoto6) December 05, 2012

“I was fairly calm during my labor pains, but right after giving birth the midwife said, ‘Mom! Look, it’s your baby! He says nice to meet you~!!’ and she showed me my baby. Then I said, ‘Nice to meet you. If there’s anything you don’t understand, please ask me’ in a really businesslike tone. I turned back into my normal self when I saw the doctor burst into laughter.”

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陣痛中の暴言をよく覚えてない人も結構いるみたいだけど、私は旦那相手にどう当り散らしたか克明に覚えてる。具体的にはこう叫びまくった。「美味しいシャーベットの名前を言ってよ！どんどん言ってよ！思いつかないならそのiPhoneで検索すればいいでしょ！早く！早く！シャーベットオオオオオ」
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玲衣 (@reireidog) May 27, 2012

“It seems like a lot of women don’t remember the crazy things they say during labor pains, but I remember everything that I said to my husband very clearly. In particular, I shouted this: ‘Tell me the names of some delicious sherbet flavors! As many as you can! If you can’t think of any, look them up on your iPhone! Hurry up, hurry up! Sherbet urghhhh…'”

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嫁は妊娠中。ソファに座ってお腹を撫でてる嫁を見てたら、なんとなく言いたくなって後ろから抱き締めて「愛してる」って言った。ただ、俺の嫁、ろう者なのね。耳が聞こえないの。聞こえないはずなの。でも、嫁が振り返って手話で《わたしも》って言ってくれた。俺、明日もがんばれるわ。
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ぴよ彦 (@XF5) September 30, 2011

“My wife is pregnant. When I saw her sitting on the sofa and stroking her belly, I just wanted to say something, so I went up and gave her a hug from behind and said ‘I love you.’ My wife is deaf. She can’t hear anything. She’s not supposed to hear anything. But then she turned around and signed ‘I love you, too.’ I think I can keep working hard.”

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Parents: Do you have any stories of your own to add? We hope these stories haven’t lessened anyone’s desire to have children!

Source: CuRAZY
Top image: Twitter (@maruco03)