I Went Undercover As A Hot Girl And Stole All Of Their Secrets
Can I beat my sister at her own Hot Girl game?
Hello, my name is Sarah. I want to become a Hot Girl.
You might be thinking: "Sarah, that's ridiculous. You are not a Hot Girl. Accept your fate and move on. Also, you have Cheetos dust on your forehead."
But I know it's possible for me to become Hot. It's in my DNA: My sister is a Hot Girl. *wipes Cheetos dust on shirt sleeve*
My sister has been a Hot Girl for as long as I can remember. My sister never went through an “awkward phase” in middle school. In college she joined a sorority, obviously. When she graduated, she got a high-powered job in New York City (in Murray Hill, of course). What I can’t understand is how we, so similar-looking as babies, turned out so different, inside and out.
She is a Hot Girl. I am not. But in her, I see my Hot Girl Potential (HGP).
Jenny Chang / Brian Madigan / Jon Premosch / Buzzfeed
My sister's drivers license and my own, for comparison.
Note, in hers, the subtle duck face. The perfect eyebrows. The "I'm a bad bitch" persona.
NY Department of Transportation
Great question. At first glance, the term Hot Girl might make you think of a female person between the ages of 6 and 12 whose temperature is above the norm — possibly because she is sick with a fever. That girl, though hot, is actually not a Hot Girl.
According to Urban Dictionary, this is a Hot Girl:
This definition, though, only defines the Hot Girl as she exists in the minds of horny, entitled teenage boys. It neither captures the essence of a “Hot Girl,” nor recognizes her autonomy.
In my mind, a Hot Girl is a woman with a perfect blend of confidence, beauty, and intelligence. Her smile and her lipstick never fade. She lights up every room she walks into, not unlike a lava lamp. She appears to effortlessly glide through life, not unlike a ghost. But the Hot Girl is also a human being. And human beings have secrets. Secrets that, once uncovered, can be adopted by normal females, or “normales,” so that they, too, can become fucking hot.
With this goal in mind, I set out to steal those secrets by going undercover as a Hot Girl. And although I've shared a bathroom with my sister, I had no idea how many hours of training and preparation this transformation would necessitate. It all began with a confidence coach.
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