Why If You’re Bragging About Chemistry, Your Partner Probably Isn’t ‘The One’

You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?

Do you remember the first time Ron laid eyes on the stunning, ambitious Veronica Corningstone? The music slowed. They were entangled in a deep passionate romance that takes them all the way to pleasure town. They had sex on rainbows, rode unicorns and then Ron said, “I’m going to punch you in the ovary.”

What happened? They loved each other. The sex was so amazing they did it on rainbows, and then it burst into a full-on warfare. This, my friend, is the two tales of love. The tales of chemistry and compatibility.

Heartbreaking breakups and break-the-bed kind of sex lies at the intercourse of chemistry and compatibility. Often, chemistry and compatibility are used interchangeably, but they’re different. Understanding their difference is vital to your dating success and relationship happiness.

Chemistry

Chemistry is the emotional connection between two people. It’s that gaga feeling that causes you and your lover to surf the waves of bliss as you whisper sweet nothings to each other.

It’s an entirely unconscious process we have no control over. Our genetics and life experiences have evolved us to have crushes on certain people. When our brain notices specific traits in another person, it neurologically drugs us into becoming focused. It’s like a biological human magnet to find a good partner.

Chemistry, depending on the strength, can last anywhere from three to 24 months before incompatibilities may cause the relationship to end. Typically, chemistry creates your initial attraction, but compatibility keeps love lasting.

Compatibility

Compatibility is the alignment of values and lifestyle choices. The level of your compatibility with someone determines your long-term potential. It covers the entire spectrum of lifestyle choices, from sexual desires and beliefs to religious values.

As the chemistry fades, compatibility determines whether the relationship will last or turn passion into ashes. Each person is unique, and each couple has its own level of chemistry and compatibility. Recognizing the differences between the two and how those levels affect your relationships will allow you to decide the future of the relationship.

Chemistry tends to be like taking a shot of Everclear. You feel it instantly. Compatibility is more slow and subtle, like drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice. It tastes good, but the benefits come from long-term use.

Here’s the kicker: Chemistry and compatibility don’t always happen together. Here are four types of relationships you can have based on your chemistry and compatibility level:

1. High Chemistry And Low Compatibility

Ideal Relationship: One-night stand, NSA

Have you ever met someone you thought was “the one,” only to find him or her repulsive after a few dates? That is the cocktail of high chemistry and low compatibility.

The Good: These relationships usually explode like an active volcano. They’re passionate. They’re full of fire and flame. And then in 48 hours or less, logic rips the sheets off your bed and says, “What the f*ck?”

Somehow you realize that this person is repulsive. The person’s views on the world make you want to kick him or her out without breakfast, and sometimes, you actually do.

The Bad: Anything beyond a night or two is bad news. Even Rob Burgundy won’t report it, and he reads everything on the teleprompter.

High chemistry with little to no compatibility usually leads to a natural disaster. They’re those types of relationships that feel so right, but you know are so wrong.

Your friends tell you what to do, but then you find yourself saying, “I don’t care if she’s faked a car accident to get me to stay with her. We belong together.” Or, “He loves me, even though he spends all his time with his wife and three kids. It’s OK if he only sees me on the weekend. He’s going to divorce her soon.”

Incompatibility is a fact of life. No matter what you value or do with your life, the majority of people out in the world at any given moment are not going to be interested. And that’s a good thing. The problem is when their traits create a façade of chemistry that causes you to ignore the incompatibilities.

2. Medium Chemistry And Medium Compatibility

Ideal Relationship: Friends with benefits

The Good: You have a backup plan.

The Bad: Friends with benefits can get weird fast. Sometimes one person develops these unexpected things called feelings, and then the person shows up at your apartment randomly with dinner. Cuddling? Talking? This wasn’t part of the contact. Now, you’re sitting there wanting to slap your past self in the face for even putting yourself in this kind of situation.

Sometimes these relationships work, but they tend to be iffy. There’s not enough chemistry to create love, but there’s enough compatibility to get along. They’re pretty much rubbing genitals with each other until one finds someone more compelling.

3. High Chemistry And High Compatibility

Ideal Relationship: Lasting lovers

The Good: This is the best relationship. The couple not only has incredible levels of chemistry that leads to passionate, exciting and mind-blowing sex, but they also deeply care for one another. Their lifestyle choices and values are very similar, which makes the relationship easy. When one wants to go travel the world, the other starts packing his or her bags and plans part of the trip.

High chemistry and high compatibility is the fairytale relationship Generation-Y was raised hearing about it. It’s a win-win relationship that is healthy and passionate.

The Bad: Like all relationships, there will be times when the slight differences between two people will cause friction in the relationship. Sometimes, life events may cause the sex to take a backseat. If a couple becomes lazy and doesn’t work on their relationship, they may fail to maintain their chemistry. However, if they work on their relationship and listen to each other’s needs, they will keep the passion thriving.

4. Low Chemistry And High Compatibility

A lack of chemistry doesn’t repel one another like compatibility. It just feels dull and lacks sexual excitement.

Ideal Relationship: Roommates

The Good: You feel like you’re living and spending time with your best friend.

The Bad: Your relationship has very little emotional intensity. Things feel dead and boring, but they’re comfortable. The lack of chemistry will create boring, emotionless sex. Sex is more like a chore than a pleasure. Maybe you come home and watch television, while your partner reads a romance novel. The person might even be mentally masturbating the dry and dull moments of your relationship from his or her mind. These kinds of relationships usually lead to a lack of caring, and the partners tend to drift apart.

Sometimes it leads to infidelity. Other times it leads to a mutual unsigned agreement to get married and live a life of asexual companionship.Unfortunately, these kinds of relationships are very common.
If you feel like you’re living with a roommate and not a lover, then it’s time to cultivate some passion.

You need to reproduce some of the emotional nuts and bolts that created the chemistry for you two in the first place. Here are three ways to recreate chemistry:

Spend time apart learning new skills, or return to old hobbies without your partner. This leads to physical longing for each other, as well as more interesting and novel conversations.
Get an adrenaline boost. Go rock climbing, kayaking or hiking as a couple. The emotional excitement of the activity will spark your emotional excitement with each other.
Have intentional sex. Yes, put time in your calendar to intentionally have intimate times. What you do during that time is up to you, but allowing space in your busy life to be with each other will cultivate feelings of connection and desire that will spark your chemistry.

Navigating the sea of love with confidence requires you to understand the difference between chemistry and compatibility, and how they influence your relationships. If you want to spend your time with amazing people you love — people whom you really, truly love — then it’s vital that you understand these emotional indicators.

It’s crucial for you to gain a cognitive handle on what you want. What makes someone compatible to you? What personality traits create a cascade of chemistry for you? You need to know what you like and what you want in a partner. If you don’t, then you need to gain enough experience to figure that out.

I have experienced high levels of chemistry with women from Latin cultures. Their values work with mine in unique ways. I also click with women who are kind, romantically physical and love to explore and try new things. I regularly find myself in serious relationships with nurses, teachers and volunteer workers.

These women work for me. What kind of partner works for you? Our jobs are not to attract every person. Our jobs are to screen for partners with high potential of being attracted to us, as well as us to them.

Chemistry is mostly unplanned. It’s either there, or it’s not. So, compatibility should define your entire dating strategy. To base your strategy on anything else is downright damaging.

Why If You’re Bragging About Chemistry, Your Partner Probably Isn’t ‘The One’

Credit: Dating – Elite Daily

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