Japanese toilet paper collection opens our minds as we open our butts

There are surprising discoveries to be made in this Japanese bathroom. 

In this world filled with uncertainties and constant change, there are some things we know will inevitably happen throughout the course of a day, and one of those things will be pointing our privates at the porcelain.

As it turns out, we spend so much time at our porcelain thrones every day that it adds up to months over the course of a lifetime. So…why not make that time interesting?

That’s the proposal from Japanese tissue and toilet paper manufacturer Hayashi Paper, who sells a load of unusual novelty varieties to keep us entertained in the bathroom. Popular as gifts and souvenirs, our Japanese-language reporter Haruka Takagi recently decided to purchase a 10-pack assortment to find out what surprises lay in store, and she definitely wasn’t disappointed with her haul.

▼ Have fun with English Part 1

This first loo roll is all about fine-tuning those English skills, with the help of some well-known language exercises given to students at schools. One task involves rearranging words into the correct order to make a sentence, while another involves unscrambling letters to reveal the hidden word.

Given that you’re unlikely to have your textbooks with you while you’re in the loo, this is a clever way to test your English skills without cheating…as long as you can resist the urge to look at your smartphone.

▼ Improve Your Luck with Money

Luck is a bit of a popular theme when it comes to toilet paper, as “kamisama” or “god” contains the word “kami“, which can also be used to mean “paper“. Every sheet here is auspicious, with images that show the Seven Lucky Gods…

…and phrases like “Big Prize“, so you can wipe your butt and take your lucky cheeks off to buy a lottery ticket in the hopes of winning that big prize.

▼ Nekotatsu’s Fish Kanji Quiz

“Nekotatsu” is the name of the half-cat, half-seahorse character on the pack, who’ll be testing your knowledge of kanji that contain the radical 魚 (“fish”). There are a lot of kanji that contain this radical — it appears in a wide range of fish varieties, so you could say there are about as many kanji to test here as there are fish in the sea.

Thankfully, this loo roll comes with answers, so we know the kanji above is “tara” (“cod”). Interestingly, the second radical in the kanji for “tara” is “雪” (“snow”), because cod thrive in cold water.

▼ Toilet Paper with Tape Measure

As the name suggests, this roll comes with a nifty measure on the side, so you can wrap it around yourself and use it as a tape measure for your waist…or anything else you might think to measure in the privacy of the bathroom.

▼ The focus on health continues with printed images of toilet yoga poses.

▼ Mental Health Care

Up to this point, Haruka had been served a good dose of humour with her toilet rolls, but this time the content took on a more serious tone. There are questionnaires here to help you check your mental health and useful tips for maintaining your mental wellbeing.

Again, the privacy of the toilet provides a perfect opportunity to check personal issues like these, without the fear of judgement from others.

▼ Halloween Party

Yes, we’re already at the end of September, which means Halloween is fast approaching, and this orange toilet paper is the perfect way to celebrate the spooky holiday in the bathroom.

▼ Billionaire Toilet Paper

This is another toilet paper designed to help you get rich while you poop, catapulting you beyond millionaire status to the status of billionaire. 

The best way to do that, apparently, is by consistently wiping your arse with 100-million-yen (US$897,300) bills. Of course, as the grinning and tongue-poking faces of Fukuzawa Yukichi suggest, these bills don’t exist in real-life, but if they did we certainly wouldn’t be wiping our butts with them.

▼ Yukichi appears a lot more comical here than he does on Japan’s real 10,000 yen notes.

▼ Thank You

Nothing says “ありがとう” (“thank you”) quite like a roll of toilet paper, especially when it’s as floral and heart-filled as this one. It’s the perfect way to ensure the recipient of your gift thinks about you during their most intimate moments.

▼ Rolled up in Feelings of Gratitude

This toilet paper also conveys a sense of gratitude, but the flowery message of thanks stays firmly on the packaging, allowing the recipient to do their business without putting a stain on any hearts or flowers.

▼ Stop the Spread of Infection

Rounding off the set is Amabie, the mysterious yokai spirit who’s believed to prevent the spread of epidemics. This roll is simple and unfettered by images and jargon, so you can concentrate on doing Amabie proud with the cleaning.

You can never tell what you’re going to get with an assorted pack, so Haruka was pleased to find there were no duds in the collection. And if you can’t bear to use these straight away, you can always keep them on hand for emergency situations, like when people go crazy clearing store shelves of toilet paper during possible lockdown situations.

▼ They certainly add a colourful and pleasant atmosphere to your personal place of business!

Each pack of 10 can be purchased online for 1,800 yen (US$16.13). It’s a small price to pay for a bit of fun in the bathroom, especially with so many options on the market, including these luxury loo rolls made by suppliers to the Imperial Family, which have sold out for 34 months running.

Related: Hayashi Kogyo Co., Ltd.
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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