Village Vanguard possibly tops its own record for most useless junk in a lucky bag this year

The bar was set very low, but we still managed to clear this pointless game of limbo.

Village Vanguard is a Japanese chain that sells not only books, but all manner of wacky, weird, and wonderful lifestyle and entertainment goods. Each store is typically chock full of stuff from ceiling to floor, and it makes for a great place to get [gag] souvenirs during your trip to Japan.

This New Year’s, Village Vanguard kindly sent our editorial team its “Blue Lucky Bag” for 3,850 yen (US$24.50). Our Japanese-language writer Ahiruneko was tasked with opening and sharing its contents this year.

▼ The theme of the chain’s lucky bags is “Sorry for stealing your first laugh of the new year!”

Ahiruneko removed the contents a bit cautiously because, well, you never know what you’re going to get in a Village Vanguard lucky bag. Here are this year’s full contents, which we’ll go over one by one below.

This Othello cushion was the biggest item by far. The whole cushion was designed to serve as a game board.

While the cushion’s size was decent, its fatal flaw was that the Othello game pieces, or disks, didn’t stick to the surface at all. Even the slightest movement toppled the pieces from the “board.” The developers could have made such a simple tweak, like affixing the pieces with Velcro or something, while designing it, but no…

▼ A full game board

Next up was a giant ear. Yup, just a giant, attachable ear with no other practical purpose than if you were to star as an extra in a film featuring non-human characters.

▼ Or perhaps, a funny gag if someone were to ask you, “Lend me your ear!”

Continuing along, the shock roulette game was a bit…shocking. It was a puzzling contraption that doesn’t need batteries, but if you stick your fingers in the six little cubbies and press the central button, one out of six of them would receive a tiny shock.

Maybe it could be useful as a new, higher stakes version of rock-paper-scissors to use when making decisions…?

Ahiruneko stuck his finger in one cubby hole and pressed the button but felt nothing.

He kept trying until he felt something. It wasn’t so much of a shock, though, as it was a was feeling of…air pressure? It didn’t not hurt and was actually a little bit scary. However, take this with a grain of salt because our team of writers is known for enduring some physical discomfort in the name of unhinged journalism.

Moving on, he turned his attention next to the long glasses straw. It was a drinking straw that formed the rims of a pair of fake glasses, meaning whatever liquid you’re drinking would travel around your eyes before reaching your mouth.

The product probably wasn’t intended for energy drinks…but that’s what Ahiruneko decided to to drink during his test run.

One end of the straw snaked from his can all the way around his eyes and into his mouth.

He took a massive sip and felt the liquid start to swirl around his eyes.

Let’s just say that the jury’s still out on whether this or that time he used a hard-to-drink-from beer glass was a less enjoyable experience.

This particular lucky bag seemed to have a theme, as the next item was also drinking-related. Ahiruneko was now the very–questionably–proud owner of a drinking helmet. Maybe it was because of his age, but he was less and less thrilled about each new item now.

He grabbed the can of Red Bull from before and stuck it in the helmet’s cup holder.

Then he grabbed the other end of the straw and began to drink.

Needless to say…

…the experience was solidly…

…underwhelming.

Sigh. Maybe he could use the helmet to down two drinks before the next time his doctor orders him to take a urine test.

Last but not least, the theme continued with this simple drinking game for a group of friends. You spin the spinner and follow whatever directions are written where it lands.

He gave it a whirl himself.

▼ “You take one shot.”

▼ “One shot,” under Ahiruneko’s current definition

Ahiruneko feels a little bad saying this since Village Vanguard went out of its way to send us a lucky bag, but at the end of the day, the contents were all completely unnecessary and useless junk.

Oh well–at least he can now keep an ear out for more exciting and practical lucky bag reveals around the office.

Reference: Village Vanguard
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