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I have never said “I love you” first. While I believe that women can and should ask men out, request to be exclusive, and even propose wedded bliss, somehow the archaic “wait for him to make a move” mindset has seeped into my subconscious. Or… maybe I'm just chicken. (Probably the latter.) I'm not sure if I've ever even wondered, “Should I say I love you first?” because like the best-when-fried poultry item that I am akin to, there's just no way I would take the plunge first.

Plunge? That sounds awful. (FWIW, I am in therapy to deal with my fears around intimacy.) Saying “I love you” is not a plunge; it's a god damn beautiful declaration. If you are in a relationship and you want to say “I love you” — assuming it's not two dates in — pop bottles, because you've found that elusive thing that movies, books, and plays have chronicled for eons. Love is nothing to be ashamed of; it's something to be proud of (and brag about… have you seen Instagram during wedding season?!?).

Not to diminish the nerves that come up around actually saying the words for the first time. It's scary. So scary that I have never done it, and I'm not sure if I ever will. (Here's hoping.) However, I thought a lot about it and came up with 10 reasons you should say “I love you” first. Here they are:

1. Because Of The 2016 Election

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Trolls can @ me all they want, and the rest of you can realize that I'm being tongue-in-cheek. Still, if the only thing holding you back from saying “I love you” to your partner is the patriarchy? Do it anyway. It's scary, but look at Hill dawg; she's still alive.

Remembers those '90s “no fear” shirts? Same, barely. Anyway… that's you.

2. Because It's Empowering

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Saying “I love you” first is a gift to yourself because it means that you are acknowledging your own wants and needs, and taking an actionable step towards having them met. You want to tell someone how much you care about them. You can't contain your love for them. These are all really cool things, and you will feel so good saying the first ILY because when do you not feel good after following through on something that made you nervous?

3. Because They'll Probably Say It Back

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OK, the first “I love you” is always awkward, but usually people just say it back no matter what, you know? Awkwardness is scary, so your SO will probably just blurt it right back at you, whether they were ready or not. And if they don't? No worries. They'll say it when they are ready. (I know, easier said than done.)

4. Because It's A Compliment

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Seriously, at worst, the person you like will feel flattered when you pop the three most terrifying words out there. If your partner runs away screaming, they'll be back if they truly love you. Which brings me to…

5. Because It's A Jerk Litmus Test

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Again, if bae freaks out when you say “I love you” and you're at least a few months into dating, bae is not bae. Bye, bae/jerk.

6. Because It's A Bucket List Thing

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Poll your friends to find out how many of them have said “I love you” first. I bet the percentage is lower than our president's approval rating. (38 percent on a good day.) Just saying it will be an awesome accomplishment, especially if you're usually nervous about sharing your feels.

7. Because Your Boo Might Be A Chicken

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Hey, your lover could be bursting at the seams with feelings, but they could just be too terrified to say it. (Same.) Do them a favor and extend a hand/phrase.

8. Because Not Holding Back Feels So Good

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Kind of like finally peeing after holding it for a long time? But seriously, it's so hard to keep feelings that are as big as “love” to yourself. Rather than continue to blabber on to your friends about the love of your life, tell bae already!

9. Because The Sex Will Be Better

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OK, so I a little bit made this one up, but logic would follow that once you finally are vulnerable via words with all of your feelings with your partner, you can be that much more vulnerable when in bed with them. If this is your only motivation to say the words, mayyybe don't. But it could be an added bonus, you know?

10. Because You Want To

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At the end of the day, the best time to say “I love you” is when you truly feel it. There's nothing quite as wonderful as falling in love, and while saying the words is nerve-wracking, they're just words. The right partner will either say them back to you, or be mature and kind and eventually say them to you in their own time.

The weight these three words have is what makes them so great to hear, but also what makes them so scary to say. I'm not the bravest of ladies, but after writing this, I want to fall in love so that maybe, just maybe, I can be the one to say it first. I have shivers just thinking about it. Woo! Say it, babes.

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10 Reasons You Should Say “I Love You” First, Even If It's Scary

Despite how satisfied you are with your relationship, every couple gets into it sometimes. Maybe your partner won't break that irritating habit of leaving the toilet seat up, or you start to become sick and tired of their aimless nagging — look, nobody's perfect. Arguing is a totally natural part of any relationship. There are, however, a few healthy arguing techniques that separate couples who are happy overall and those who may be headed toward destruction.

Although many people worry that arguing is a sign that something may be wrong in the relationship (i.e., a compatibility issue, unwillingness to compromise over something fundamental, etc.), in reality, it would definitely be a concern if two years into a relationship, you and your partner never had so much as a single disagreement. This is not to say that you should worry if you and your boo never duke it out as long as you both are being honest about your wants and needs. (We all know how tempting it can be cover up our true feelings in hopes of avoiding conflict.)

The truth is, the vast majority of disagreements can be resolved with just a few adjustments to your fighting style.

1. They Take Turns Talking

Marija Mandic/Stocksy

I have to say that I am the worst when it comes to this one. The minute I get heated, I start talking a mile a minute without letting my partner get a word in.

When you're upset about something, it can be easy to forget that every situation has two sides, and no matter how convinced you are that you're right, it's only fair that you each get the opportunity to present your case. Not talking over each other shows your partner that you care about what they have to say and their opinions on the issue — yes, even when deep down, you know they are spouting BS by the mouthful.

In my opinion, this is the key to keep your arguing at a manageable level that won't leave you feeling guilty for saying something you shouldn't have. I know, I know, but what if they did something super messed up? Don't they get their rights revoked? Nope.

2. They Avoid Letting The Conversation Escalate To Yelling

Alejandro Moreno de Carlos/Stocksy

The biggest way to keep arguing from exploding into a relationship-ending fight, believe it or not, is by following point number one and letting your partner talk. Why? Because the minute you throw caution to the wind and stop taking turns speaking is the minute you begin to talk over each other. Once you start talking over each other, the person who feels it's their turn to talk starts talking louder to ensure they are being heard. Before you know it, you're screaming at full volume an inch away from their face, and the chance to settle things diplomatically has gone out the window.

Now, that being said, if the subject of the argument is particularly sensitive (i.e., a suspected infidelity), it can feel almost impossible to keep things at a calm level. But you must try.

3. They Don't Bring Up Past Issues (Unless They Are Very Relevant)

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We've all been there in the heat of arguing when we feel like our partner is not really listening, let alone absorbing, a word that we're saying. In these moments, it can be all too tempting to throw just about everything they've ever done wrong in their face. But please, please resist the urge.

If something from the past that your partner did is still upsetting you or, for whatever reason, was left unresolved, it is totally OK to start a conversation about it. However, if you are in the middle of a fight about a completely unrelated topic, it is a very bad idea to bring up arguments outside of the one that's currently happening. Mainly because this is a black hole — all it does is give you more reasons to keep fighting.

On the other hand, if they have been displaying patterns of related bad behavior, drawing on past situations to prove your point isn't the worst. But do tread carefully.

4. They Acknowledge Each Other's Viewpoints

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Once you're amped up and convinced that they are the one who's completely in the wrong, it can be really tough to acknowledge any validity in their point of views. Even when you're upset, if your partner is saying things that you know deep down are true, then it doesn't hurt to give credit where credit is due.

This doesn't mean that you have to let them wiggle their way out of the issue at hand, but it does present an opportunity to remember that in the end, you are with them because in the grand scheme of things, you are both on the same side. Even if the situation doesn't allow for you to acknowledge their viewpoints, it's a good idea to at the very least acknowledge their feelings.

5. They Don't Resort To Below The Belt Tactics Purely For The Sake Of Winning

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There is absolutely no reason you or your partner should resort to name-calling or any other immature tactics to distract from the main source of the argument. Usually, the person who initiates this behavior is doing it because inside, they know that they are in the wrong. In a last-ditch effort to “win,” they say something hurtful and completely irrelevant.

This is extremely unhealthy. Arguing doesn't give you a free pass to go HAM on your significant other. If you say something hurtful in the middle of the fight, don't make the mistake of thinking your partner will be so easy to forgive you because you “got caught up.”

If you ever find yourself in an argument where things have escalated to a point where you feel physically or emotionally threatened, then it is time to stop immediately and remove yourself from the situation. Even if they continue to try to engage, sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back, separate yourself, and return to the topic at another time when you both are feeling fully in control.

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5 Things Happy Couples Do Differently When They Argue With Each Other

I once got food poisoning from a very renowned oyster spot in the basement of a very famous train station in New York City that shall remain nameless (ish). Needless to say, it wasn't pretty. In fact, it felt like what I imagine dying feels like (#drama). Still, I'd prefer shellfish sick-to-your-stomach knots over the knots that come from knowing the person you love is pulling away from you. Heartbreak sucks, to put it plainly. I try to avoid it at all costs. If you too hate sadness, you might brainstorm some questions to ask your boyfriend to find out why the F he's pulling away.

The thing about “pulling away” is that it's a pretty vague term. Pulling away could mean your partner is having a bad night and just wants to go to bed early sans sex because of the current state of the world, which is a boner killer for sure. Pulling away could also mean that they have been harboring some doubt for a while now, and rather than tell you about it, they've decided to ruminate on their own for a bit until they figure things out.

It's a terrible feeling to be wondering if your partner is “over it,” and your imagination is probably going to tell you something like “they despise you and are just sticking around until your lease it up.” So be an adult and ASK THEM WHAT'S HAPPENING! (I feel passionately about this.) Here are some things you can say:

1. Can I Take You On A Date?

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This is a starting off point for the confrontation-shy people out there. If you feel like your partner is pulling away, you might try to determine whether they are actually pulling away in reality or in your head by asking them out. That's right, dates are important forever.

See how your partner responds, and then plan something special for them. If they are avoidant or an assh*le about it, then you say: “What's the deal? Because last time I checked, we were dating.” Easy. (And a little bit sassy, but hey, your boo should want to go on a date with you.)

2. Are You Happy?

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I know, super dramatic turn here. This doesn't have to be, “Are you happy with me?” but if you simply ask, “How are you?” you probably won't get much in return. Check in with your partner genuinely about how they're feeling. Maybe something at work is stressful that you don't know about, and your partner will be happy to vent about it. This is a good way to check your paranoia.

3. Can You Take Care Of The Apartment When I Go Away Next Weekend?

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Now, I don't think you should need your partner's approval to go on a trip, because you are an independent woman who chooses what to do with her time. I also don't think you need to empty your bank account to give your partner space for the weekend because, again, you are allowed to do whatever you want. But I do think getting away from your partner for a bit will allow you to reflect on what's really going on. Giving your partner space might also make them reconsider how they've been acting in the relationship.

Pick a cool getaway; I'm dying to go to Charleston.

4. Do You Love Me?

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I know, just putting it out there is scary, but isn't this really what you want to ask your partner? I wouldn't encourage this in a paranoid, every-other-day-ask kind of way, but if you are uncertain of how your partner feels for you because they are exceedingly withdrawn, just f*cking ask the question. (I know, I'm being harsh; I'm just a big believer in telling it like it is.) If you are someone with trust issues, however, don't take this route until you're certain your partner is truly pulling away.

All in all, you're going to have doubts about your relationship sometimes. Everyone does. Your partner is also allowed to have doubts and take time with those feelings so that they can sort them out. You can't force a relationship, but you can decide what you want from one. If you want a partner who communicates their feelings about you openly and regularly, be with someone who will tell you “I love you, I'm just busy at work right now, sorry for being so distant.” Otherwise, you will go insane the rest of your relationship's days.

Find someone who leaves you with no doubts about the way they feel about you. That's what everyone deserves.

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4 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner If You Feel Like They're Pulling Away

Coming together with someone who really gets you comes with so many perks. Whether it's the fact that they always remember to buy your favorite snacks or simply know the right thing to say to pull you out of your darker moments, being in a healthy relationship can feel super amazing. As the months begin to fly by, it can be easy to take all of the oh-so-sweet things they do for granted. This is why it's so important to tell someone how much you appreciate them.

Sometimes, life gets so hectic and we get so bogged down in our own drama that our partners can start to feel neglected. This is totally understandable — no one wants to feel like they are always going out of their way for a significant other who doesn't appreciate all of their hard work. It can also be all too easy to simply assume that they know how you feel, which can ultimately lead to hurt feelings and, in extreme cases, resentment. The good news is that showing your appreciation either verbally or through your actions isn't complicated and presents a great opportunity to reconnect.

Follow these steps, and your partner will be feeling the love in no time.

1. Tell Them In The Moment

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This goes without saying, but can be forgotten in the haze of the craziness that is life.

Figuring out how to best cater to a partner's needs isn't always easy. Sometimes, it takes some trial and error to remember what exactly to pick up at the grocery store or what flavor of ice cream is their favorite. That is why it's so important to remember to point out whatever they did right that brightened your day, even if it was something as small as buying a special treat they know you love.

And always remember to thank them in the moment. If they're at work, then shoot them a cute text or pic of you enjoying your snack. It sounds silly, but communicating appreciation in the moment always comes off a little bit sweeter and sincere than after the effects of their gesture have worn off.

2. Tell Them Again

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Again, taking the time to acknowledge what your partner does for you is key. It never hurts to thank them a second time. It might feel like overkill, but it's always better to err on the side of over-appreciative rather than under-appreciative.

Sometimes, a simple thank you isn't quite enough. When you get home or the next morning, really take a moment to acknowledge what they did specifically and how it made you feel. Not only will they feel great knowing that they did something right, but it's also a great way to keep the communication flowing.

3. Return The Favor

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Imagine if you were in love with someone and constantly did sweet things to show your love and the gestures were rarely reciprocated. This would feel like a huge bummer. Life doesn't always allow for grandiose romantic gestures, but sometimes just helping your partner deal with a problem they've been avoiding or finally organizing their massive record collection is all it takes.

Remember that different types of people receive love in different ways. Some people feel the most love when their partner shows them physical affection, some people feel really loved when their partner tells them, and some people feel super loved when their partner takes action. For some, it's a combination of all three. Appreciation comes in many different forms, so it may be helpful to think about what kind of “love receiver” your partner is.

4. Take The Initiative

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I know life is busy, but sometimes there doesn't need to be a catalyst for doing something thoughtful. Maybe you just passed a shop and saw a band tee you think they would really love — or perhaps a decadent-sounding new restaurant opened up and you decide to make reservations for the coming weekend, eliminating all of the potential where should we eat? I'm down for anything stress. Often times, the nicest gestures are simple, but well thought out.

Life can be tough. By putting in some effort to provide a mutually thoughtful, appreciative, and loving dynamic between the both of you, chances are they'll never want to let you go.

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How To Let Your Partner Know Just How Much You Appreciate Them

I am the friend who always runs back to her ex. I was in an on-and-off relationship for five years, and it drove my girlfriends nuts. No matter what they said to me, they just couldn't stop me from getting back together from my wildly mean boyfriend. When you have your own friend getting back with her ex constantly, instead of putting her own needs and happiness first, it can be difficult to know your place and figure out how to give advice. You don't want to tell your BFF what to do or put yourself in the middle of her relationship, but you also want what's best for someone you care about. It's hard to see your friend make the same mistake over and over again.

I have a friend who is constantly getting back together with her lame boyfriend, and it annoys the hell out of me. They are absolutely wrong together, and it seems like everyone but them can see this. I don't think they have a single thing in common and they absolutely hate each other, but clearly, something draws them together. And that something is likely a combination of sex, codependence, and jealousy.

Each time they break up, they'll run into one another drunkenly at a party months later, end up hooking up, and they immediately get back together. While I'd like to think they are over for good at the moment, I know in my heart this is not the case. And of course, it's hard to know what to say to help her end this cycle.

So here are some things you can tell your friends who keep going back to their exes — things that I wish my friends had reminded me. (They probably did, and I just wasn't listening.)

1. Remind Your Friend Of Their Self-Worth

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Sometimes, we stay with people who are bad for us because we have low self-esteem. You don't think you can do better, or perhaps you even think you deserve pain. You settle for crumbs in relationships and think that's all you will ever get or all you're entitled to. That's not true.

Remind your friend of what they truly deserve in a relationship. One of my girlfriends keeps going back to her non-committal boyfriend — a guy who she constantly feels the need to stalk his social media accounts to see if he's flirting with other women. I asked her, “Do you think a relationship exists where you don't have to snoop, and a guy wants to fully commit to you? Because I think it does, and it's worth waiting for.”

While we can't tell our friends what to do, we can make suggestions that are in their best interests and hope that they take them to heart.

2. Remind Your Friend Of Their Confidence

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In bad relationships, we tend to lose our confidence, and it makes us scared to move on and start dating again. That's why we stay with our exes or keep getting back together with them. Who else might want us? I don't want to have to go back to dating!

When you're coupled up for a while, you can start to lose sight of who you truly are. I've been in relationships where I've definitely let myself go physically and emotionally, and would rather just stay with my partner than be single and put the effort into feeling good again. But if you're going to start dating someone new, it's important that you're a fully independent person, confident in your own identity, first.

So remind your friend of all the things that make them great, because maybe they've just lost their groove a little. Make them feel good outside and in. Not to get all Clueless on you, but this could be a great time for helping your friend with a makeover. Because when you feel your best, you make good decisions for yourself — like not getting back together with your ex who isn't good for you.

3. Remind Your Friend Of The Benefits Of Being Single

We might stay in bad relationships because we are afraid of being single, when, in reality, being single is the greatest. In some fantastic turn of events, all three of my best girlfriends and I are single right now, and we are having the time of our lives. This weekend, we are going to the Grand Canyon for no reason! We were just in the group chat yesterday, and someone was like, “Should we drive to the Grand Canyon tomorrow?” and everyone was like, “Yeah, sure, why not?” And we all can because we don't have significant others to check in with or to coordinate with.

So if your friend keeps going back to an ex over and over again, maybe remind them that the single life is frequently free of the bullsh*t they currently deal with.

4. Remind Your Friend You're There For Them

Chelsea Victoria

No matter what, remind your friend that you won't abandon them. When I kept getting back together with my ex (who I knew was a giant *sshole), I was incredibly embarrassed. I was worried my friends thought I was weak, annoying, or, at worst, were starting to hate me.

Sometimes, we make bad decisions until we learn an important life lesson. We can grow by making mistakes. So if your friend has to get a bad relationship out of her system until they can truly close the book, then let them. And remind them that you'll be by their side while they do it.

You can't control other people's actions or tell them what to do. But you can help guide someone to find their own strength and confidence so that they're able to make better decisions for themselves, like not getting back together with that sh*tty ex they keep running to.

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Here's What To Remind Your Friend Who's Always Running Back To Their Ex

Spending time with a new special someone is always super fun. The early stages of budding relationships can also end up being totally anxiety-inducing — especially if you're not quite sure where their head is at. After a particularly enjoyable date, it can feel like a bit of a disappointment if the person you're casually seeing doesn't immediately ask you to hang out again. Luckily, we live in the 21st century, making it acceptable for you to make the next move by figuring out how to ask a guy to hang out again.

Despite popular belief, many men don't necessarily feel like it's completely up to them to pursue a new romantic interest, leaving the perfect window of opportunity for you to put some of your own seductive magic to work. If the apple of your eye is a lady, don't worry;  regardless of gender, most people like being pursued by someone they're interested in.

The key to keeping things on track in the early stages of dating is to get into a push-pull rhythm where neither one of you feels like they're doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to planning and arranging how to best spend time together. This can be a bit tricky if things are still very casual, and it's totally natural to be concerned about coming off too eager. But, like I said, anyone who's interested in buying what you're selling will be totally pumped that you like them enough to put yourself out there.

1. Start By Feeling Things Out

Chelsea Victoria/Stocksy

In my opinion, the main thing that keeps people from pursuing those they're interested in is the fear of being rejected, and this is completely normal. The best way to deal with this is to put out a feeler before you decide to ask them on another date. Initiate some texting banter, which will usually give you some idea of their interest level. Start by sending something cute, like the followup to an inside joke one of you made or something that reminded you of them — although try your best to keep it light and fun, not overly sentimental.

I've also found that texting after work hours makes it a lot easier to get a natural back-and-forth rhythm going because both of you are less likely to get entangled in distractions. If they're not being super responsive then, this could be a sign that they may not be super interested.

Remember, by reaching out, you are also making it pretty easy for them to suggest another hang out, but if they are not willing to engage in any texting chatter, then it might be better to let things sit for a bit.

2. Slip In A Positive Comment About Your Last Date

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If they've responded positively to your attempt at starting a conversation, at some point, try to slip in a something positive about your last date. Maybe you saw an interesting movie with them that has lingered in your mind. Maybe you just really enjoyed whatever it is you did together. Tell them. Not only is this a great way to signal interest, but bringing up something you experienced together, whether it be a particularly yummy meal or some dope live music, is also a sneaky way of presenting a bonding opportunity.

Assuming you both had fun, this gentle reminder will help them start associating those positive feelings with you. I mean, after all, who doesn't want to go on a date with someone they were really vibing with?

3. Zero In On Something They Mentioned They Liked Or Were Interested In

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This is why it pays to really tune into what your date is saying during your hangouts instead of letting their attractiveness turn your brain to mush. Maybe they are super into punk rock or really love a certain food; come up with a date idea around those things. It's best to have a specific event or outing in mind before you reach out so you're armed and ready.

If you can't really think of anything they might like off the top of your head, it never hurts to invite them along to something you enjoy doing or something you've been looking forward to. Don't make it too formal like your best friend's birthday dinner; keep it casual. Maybe your favorite museum has a new exhibit or something. Try to get creative.

4. Pop The Question

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OK, so there are a couple of different ways to approach actually asking them if they want to hang out again. Which method you use usually just depends on how comfortable you are with the situation.

If you're pretty certain they are into you, then why not show them how confident you are with something like, “What are you up to this weekend? I'm planning on checking out this new exhibit at the Whitney. Want to join?” This two-fold question gives them the opportunity to either accept, decline, or make another proposition. It's direct, to-the-point and, based on their answer, you'll have a solid idea of where they're at. If they already have plans, but suggest another specific time they could meet up, then don't sweat it — they are being truthful and just had other plans. But do notice if they get wishy-washy and are reluctant to nail down a specific time for a next meeting. This could mean that they want to keep their options open, or aren't quite sure how they feel just yet.

If you're worried about taking the all in approach then you can also be a bit more nonchalant and simply suggest you hang out again sometime with a “Let me know what you're up to later this week. We should do something again soon :).” Not quite as pointed as the first approach, but it still signals interest and makes it clear that you're up for another date in the near future. The ball is totally in their court at this point, so there is no need to send a follow up text. If you hear from them great, then go from there; if not, then shake it off and keep on stepping.

Sometimes, whether or not someone is interested in going out again is less about them not liking you and more about timing. There are a ton of reasons that may be standing in the way of another date that are completely out of your control. Maybe their ex just came back into the picture, or they have a crazy workload,  or they just want to keep things super open. Either way, sometimes things just aren't meant to be, so don't sweat it.

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How To Ask The Person You're Casually Dating To Hang Again If They Haven't Asked You