Consumer Reports: Do these workout shirts really show too much nipple?

20:18 cherishe 0 Comments

We search for the truth behind the alleged excessive nipple exposure of tank tops sold by Arkkil.

The bodybuilding community was shocked when a tweet surfaced showing a recent buyer of a tank top by the Twitter handle of Vesper (@VESPERIOX). Normally, these specialty tops make people look super cool with dangerous words such as “assailant” or “hardcore” printed on them, and huge hoods that make you look like the dude from Assassin’s Creed, but not on this day…

Vesper explains that they bought the top on Amazon at a discount but was surprised at the difference between the display image and reality as photographed on the right. Both of Vesper’s nipples are clearly protruding from each side.

It appeared to only be this particular top too, as his other ones fit well enough.

▼ “The white one’s safe.”

While nip slips are not uncommon when dealing with tank tops, such exposure is simply unacceptable. And with tolerance of male nipples at an all-time low, this is a serious accusation.

So, to find out we ordered the same top from a mysterious company called Arkkil to see if it was as ridiculously fitting as Vesper claims.

The shirt arrived within days and I was chosen as the model because I kind of looked like the guy in the promotional images – minus a few thousand push-ups.

However, a shirt as powerful as this can simply be tossed on like a sweater, one must fuse with it while summoning the power of Arkkil itself. I had to see if it would accept me.

The fusion was successful, and I’m happy to report that the sanctity of my nipples was intact.

However, they were teetering dangerously close to the sides. The shirt was quite snug too, and didn’t seem to have that cool draping effect the Amazon pictures depicted at first.

Maybe I was doing it wrong? After all, the clothes are only half the battle, you have to wear them with the right attitude too. So, I got my two-year-old daughter to draw some bad-ass tats on my arm and tried to reenact the model’s pose as if he had just stepped in a wino’s vomit.

Then, I went for the about-to-leave-the-gym-when-the-manager-shouts-“who-didn’t-wipe-off-the-leg-press” look in the second image.

Honestly, I can barely tell them apart, so it would seem that the shirt fits okay after all. So, what went wrong with all the other people?

Back on the Amazon page, the last image has a sizing chart which I luckily had the foresight to check out before ordering. Thanks to my stupid Zozosuit, I knew my measurements in detail and pegged myself as an XL – for the first time in my life.

I couldn’t find much info on Arkkil, but it must be headquartered in the land of elvenkind for them to come up with such an odd sizing scheme. Based on it and the size of that model’s muscles, he must be somewhere around 120 centimeters (4 feet) tall for his shirt to fit so loosely and wide at the top. They’re sold in sizes ranging from M to XXL. There’s no S size, presumably because it exists on the sub-atomic level.

Clearly, the people having trouble are those who simply ordered on their typical size rather than converting to this shirt’s own measuring system. The rest could enjoy their new tank top, pumping iron at the gym or – like myself – truly testing their limits in the heat of face-to-face battle.

So in conclusion, Arkkil’s tank tops do not expose your nipples as long as you follow their unique sizes. This means that everyone should just go ahead and order the XXL regardless of their size, and if you’re bigger than me, then there are plenty of other options out there.

Source: Twitter/@VESPERIOX, Amazon
Feature image: Twitter/@VESPERIOX
Insert images: © SoraNews24
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