We try Amazon Japan’s lowest rated portable washing machine

Our latest foray into the world of low rated products makes us want to throw in the towel.

Our Japanese-language reporter Masanuki Sunakoma has an unusual hobby. Usually, when people hear “unusual hobby” they’ll imagine something like scratch art or collecting rocks with faces on them, but Masanuki’s hobby is even more unusual than that. You see, Masanuki likes scouring Amazon for the very best worst-rated products; so much so that Amazon’s algorithms have caught on and are recommending him some real stinkers.

But while the stuff he’s purchased in the past has at times been worthless junk, this time he was determined to try out something a little more practical, something he could actually use. So when Amazon Japan recommended him a portable washing machine (or to give it its full name, the “7 litre foldable washing machine advanced version with drying function small washing machine simple washing machine mini washing machine for use at home socks, underwear, towels, masks, baby clothes, suitable for those living alone for use in dormitory or office automatically turns off after 15 minutes save time and save water”), he knew he just had to buy it. Despite such glowing reviews like “This is no good at all”, and “I didn’t have high expectations for it, but it was even worse than I could have imagined”, Masanuki dutifully forked over the 6,899 yen (US$51) and waited for it to arrive.

The washing machine was the foldable, portable type usually reserved for washing smaller items like underwear or baby clothes. The listing on Amazon claimed the machine uses “ultrasound to remove dirt from clothes“, which sounded pretty cool, but with a worryingly low rating of 1.6 stars, Masanuki knew better than to get his hopes up too high.

If you managed to wade through the boggy mire that is the product name, you may have noticed the “use in dormitory or office” portion, but Masanuki couldn’t imagine anyone lugging this machine to the office, or anywhere really — it was too big, and there was just too much stuff to assemble. The whole set included the main washing machine unit, a power adapter, draining filter, drain hose, washboard cover, and instruction manual.

Putting it all together seemed simple enough though — just lift up the bucket and push down the bottom.

Done!

The next step was to install the draining filter. One of the reviews left on the Amazon listing said that this was pretty difficult to do…

… but Masanuki assembled it right away!

Done! Masanuki was ready to test out his creation.

The instruction manual strongly recommended against washing anything “big or heavy”, so Masanuki grabbed a T-shirt covered in sweat from his morning run. After setting up his washing machine on his balcony, he threw in his T-shirt…

… added some laundry detergent…

…and filled up the machine with water. Masanuki was ready to take this thing for a spin (literally!)

Masanuki switched on the machine and set the timer for a five minute cycle, and was immediately met with the deafening roar of the motor. But despite how hard the motor appeared to be working…

… his T-shirt was barely moving at all!

The instructions had clearly said not to wash anything “too big or heavy”, but Masanuki hadn’t expected that description to apply to a measly T-shirt. Other reviewers had said that the machine couldn’t even handle a pair of shorts though, so Masanuki decided to set his standards lower.

While one solitary T-shirt proved too powerful an enemy for the washing machine, it seemed to be able to handle two small masks pretty well. He had yet to see any of the dirt being “removed by ultrasound” as originally promised in the listing though, and the masks were just spinning and spinning in a bucket of dirty water. Yuck. It was time to get some fresh, clean water.

Even though there was a drain hose that came with the set, Masanuki wasn’t really sure how to use it while the machine was still switched on, so decided to drain out the water directly onto his balcony.

After the masks were thoroughly rinsed with clean water, it was time to dry them.

The draining filter was put inside and the “one minute dry cycle” button was pressed.

The familiar roar of the motor revved up once more, only this time its sound levels had greatly increased!

The earsplitting whir of the motor echoing throughout the balcony was only matched by the speed of the spinning draining filter. It was spinning faster than Masanuki had even dared to imagine! Such speed! Such drying power!

Sure, up until now the washing machine had seemed pretty useless, and it may have appeared easier and quieter to just wash by hand, but surely this was where all the manufacturing energy had been put in. This was where the machine really shone. His masks would be drier than the Sahara dessert by the time the one minute was up.

The draining filter slowed to a halt, and Masanuki reached in, eager to grab his freshly cleaned, dry as a bone masks. Maybe he could even wear one right now!

But the masks he had spent a whole minute watching fiercely spin around…

… were still absolutely soaking wet.

Even though he’s been burned many, many times in the past by Amazon Japan’s low rated products, Masanuki couldn’t help but feel a little stung about this one. Considering its price, he’d expected it to have functioned at least slightly. But no, he’d essentially just spent fifty dollars on a collapsible bucket, and he fully agreed with the 1.6 star rating. Personally, he’d be inclined to rate it even lower.

And yet, Masanuki’s hobby of buying low-rated products on Amazon Japan continues. Will he ever find something that will match up to the glory of the lowest-rated sexy pillow? Only time (and lots of Amazon deliveries) will tell.

Related: ‘7 litre foldable washing machine advanced version with drying function small washing machine simple washing machine mini washing machine for use at home socks, underwear, towels, masks, baby clothes, suitable for those living alone for use in dormitory or office automatically turns off after 15 minutes save time and save water‘ listing
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