Naked Ishigaki man arrested after buying underwear and stealing scooter while drunk

That last part probably goes without saying.

Sometimes a crime appears in the news where you just know there’s way more crazy stuff going on beneath the surface, and this is one such story. It takes place in the sunny Yaeyama Islands, a remote archipelago that’s much closer to Taiwan than Japan with the largest island being Ishigaki.

At about 4 a.m. on 8 September, a completely naked man walked into a convenience store in Ishigaki City. He bought a pair of underwear and immediately put them on, thus marking the end of his rational behavior. After making his purchase, he left the store and walked to a bicycle parking lot about 250 meters (800 feet) away. There he stole a scooter and helmet.

▼ As our reporter Seiji learned, most major convenience stores in Japan carry underwear and socks for emergencies such as this.

Then, at about 4:30 a.m. on the same day, the same man returned to the same convenience store, still wearing nothing but his new underwear and riding the stolen scooter. Police picked him up there and after some questioning arrested him for driving under the influence as his blood alcohol content was found to be four times the legal limit.

A subsequent investigation was launched and he was arrested again on 20 September for the public nudity and theft. The suspect is denying both charges, claiming that he doesn’t remember because he was drunk.

Unfortunately, if he’s telling the truth, this also means he probably doesn’t remember what happened in the 12 hours between convenience store visits, what happened before that resulted in his nakedness, or how he managed to hot-wire a scooter in his condition. And so, online comments could only imagine.

“So, where did he keep his money?”
“Did he only buy underwear?”
“Maybe he did the Terminator time travel thing.”
“There’s so much going on here I don’t know where to start.”
“I wonder how the store clerk handled that situation.”
“He should space out his crimes a bit more.”
“This feels like a mission from a Yakuza game.”
“I think all things considered some socks would be a better investment when walking outside.”
“He seems to live by a code, but I don’t know what it is.”

Unfortunately, this is so weird that Terminator-style time travel does seem like the most plausible answer to this mystery. On the other hand, I often have dreams where I’m in this guy’s situation and inexplicably wandering around naked on the street. So, maybe this is like what the ancient philosophers suggested and we’re all really just living in this one guy’s dream…

Source: Ryukyu Shimpo, Itai News
Top image: Pakutaso
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