A century of love – How dating and marriage have evolved in Japan

From arranged marriages to dating apps, relationships in Japan have gone through a big transformation over the last 100 years.

Times change, as do many things, like members of your favorite sports team or, unfortunately, my hairline. Even dating norms now look wildly different to what they used to be; what would have once been totally normal now might seem bizarre, and vice versa.

▼ A perfectly normal couple, wearing perfectly normal clothes, doing perfectly normal things on a perfectly normal date

A great example of this is Japan’s dating and marriage scene over the last century. Japanese dating app Omiai has released a special review of the evolution of love in Japan, breaking it up into five distinct periods, so let’s take the opportunity to explore how the romantic trends and dating customs have changed through each of them.

● Wartime and Postwar Period (1926-1940s)

During this time, marriage was a matter of national policy, heavily promoted by the Ministry of Health. There was the famous slogan of “Umeyo fuyaseyo,” which means “Be fruitful and multiply,” or more simply “Everyone, have lots of babies.” However, people weren’t just popping out children willy-nilly. In fact, marriages were almost always arranged marriages, based on the partners’ social status and whether the potential bride would be suitable for birthing healthy children. Getting married for romantic love was essentially a non-existent idea.

Back then, boys and girls were discouraged from sitting next to each other after the age of seven. If you had been hoping to sit next to your crush and nonchalantly brush their arm with yours, you’d sadly be out of luck, unless you wanted some judgmental gazes aimed your way. Non-married couples tended to favor places away from large crowds and prying eyes for dates, such as shrines and riverbanks.

▼ Perhaps the lucky couple might even receive some divine providence.

● The High-Growth Economy (1950s-1970s)

After World War II shook everything up, Japan went through some major changes, including in its approach to marriage. Omiai says the government decided that a little less control was necessary, and stopped proactively asking people to marry. In spite of the newfound freedom, arranged marriages didn’t exactly disappear. By that time, the roots had been planted quite deep into society. After all, arranged marriages have been around for centuries. The typical practice was to have a neutral third party, such as a professional matchmaker, bring together a couple depending on social status, education, and other factors. However, a sparkling new alternative was on the horizon: love. With a greater reliance on social networking, people started picking out their own partners through their workplace connections and friendly neighbors.

▼ Finding love at work became more common.

Even so, marriage wasn’t only for love: for men, it could also be a status symbol. According to Omiai, a married man had much more credibility. With the economy thriving, single-income households became the norm. While the men were out working, the women were running the home. Of course, this led to a number of traits being desirable in a prospective partner, which included social status, a stable paycheck, the aptitude of a housewife, and a willingness to obey the husband. Despite all the talk of how romantic marriages were the ideal, love seemed to take a backseat to practical considerations in the end.

For dating advice, a lack of Internet search engines resulted in all of the best tips coming from friends or seniors in the office. Cafes, parks, movie theaters, amusement parks, and department stores were all popular dating spots.

● The Bubble Era (1970s-1990s)

With the money flowing and TV dramas setting romantic expectations high, the dating culture exploded. People started to take a “seize the moment” mentality, choosing to date people they met through social gatherings, at matchmaking parties, or even approaching people they saw on the street or other public places.

▼ Talking to new people is fine, just be respectful of personal space.

Even though love was thriving, Omiai claims that what people were searching for in a partner didn’t change a great deal: women wanted financial stability from a husband, and men wanted a good mother for their children and skilled around the house for a wife.

Heavily inspired by all of the TV romance, couples threw themselves into dates at fancy nightspots and city hotels, and went on skiing getaways and overseas trips. Going for long drives was another popular date activity, and so guys having their own car had a leg up on their competition in the dating scene.

● The Age of Female Independence (2000-2015)

Casting off long-held beliefs, women secured better jobs and became independent. Financial security and marriage were no longer joined at the hip, and the old-school ideas of “women waiting to be chosen” and “serving their husbands” faded fast.

▼ Working hard, no marriage required

Even so, Omiai mentions that men have shown themselves to be slow on the uptake of women’s new place in society, resulting in a disconnect between the genders that can sadly be said to still be seen in some places to this day. With greater autonomy for women, the old desirable traits were thrown out of the window, focusing instead on whether their sense of values aligned and their compatibility as a couple as the deciding factor on whether to get married.

While Internet searches were increasing, people turned to the TV and magazines for the hottest dating information, with a notable increase in wallet-friendly domestic getaways.

● The Present (2015-Today)

Nowadays, dating apps like Omiai and social media have made meeting new people easier than ever: you could even discover your future partner while you’re sitting on the toilet (not that you should ever tell them that). People look more at values and interests than ever before, and society is opening up to the idea of romance beyond the traditional man-woman pairing.

Dating was once all about getting out of the house, hitting those trendy spots, and trying the latest food craze. Now, Omiai remarks that more people are content to stay home, order takeout, and stream something for a date.

▼ I love a sofa date.

A century can turn the dating scene on its head, so who knows what is next? Will the next 100 years be full of VR dates and AI soulmates? The future of love is a mystery waiting to be explored.

Source: PR Times
Top image: Pakutaso
Insert images: Pakutaso (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
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